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15 Aug 2011

Competitive 6 year-old
Dear CS

Last week we had in insident regarding my son which upset me quite a lot. He was invited for a playdate by his best friend on the Friday, but on Thursday afternoon the mom suddenly canceled. We also share taking the kids to school, and on Friday morning she took her son to school herself and would not have him go with us even though it was my turn to drive. Well, some discussions per email later it came out that my son (turns 6 in October) was apparently very competitive towards her son and that it upset her a lot. Another mom had phoned her after both our sons had shared a lift with this mom on a school outing, and my son had apparently made a number of one-up type comments to his friend. She was very shocked and asked the mom whether this was acceptable to her. So, this weekend I could hardly sleep because of my son''s possible abnormal competitiveness. He is not like that at home, only when he''s with his friends. I did read an article in which its said that this is normal for his age?? he is not a bad loser at all, but does often want to be ''better'' than his friend. At home we emphasise that everything is not a competition, and that it makes his friend sad if he makes such comments. What is your take on the situation?? and on my son''s behaviour?
Answer 385 views

01 Jan 0001

Kids do this. ( so do adults ) And it usually doesn't cause any harm, even if it isn't pleasant. The mother seems to be greatly over-reacting, in ways that won't be helpful to her own child. Displeased, OK, but "very shocked" ? Why on earth label your boy as "abnormally competitive" ? This is one example of behaviour she happened to notice, taken out of context ( who knows what the other boy may have been previously saying to your boy, and so on ? )
Apart from the grosds over-reaction of the mother, do we know how the boy himself responded ? Kids compete, and in different areas of activity, sometimes one does better, sometimes another. Usually, they sort it out just fine among themselves, unless an overreactive mom interferes and creates a calamity.
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