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23 Jul 2006

Confessions, off the dancefloor.
Hi CS. I wanna thank you for being such a prominent, and THE most helpfull part of my life. The past ten or so months was interesting, captivating and extremely educational. I leant alot about myself. My capabilities, my weaknesess and strenghts, I got to know me. And you, being who you are and saying what you did, taught me to see me. I wanted a goal in life, any goal, as long as it involves time and energy. I have no goals, not even short-term goals. And the things that happened two seconds ago, I forget, completely. It has been a fascination of mine to kill, as you know. I'm drawn to the thought, I think I need to kill, to somehow be free. (Listen to me, I sound like slayer.) I have a pair of scissors that never leave my side. I enquired about guns, too much p.t., and won't want it lying around the house with the kid and him, and hey, the noise might be bothersome. Bottom line, at that stage again, a stage that will pass, and brings with it that urge to kill. I need to be in control of something. I need to feel alive, I need to take . . . Hopefully the next stage/mood/personality will be suicidal, then I might be done with this rocky ride to hell.
Answer 384 views

01 Jan 0001

Hi Clueless,
Killing never brings anyone freedom, of course. And NOT killing, NOT aggressing is a marvellous exercise of control --- and a worthwhile goal in life, too
Somehow you reminded me of one of the sardonic poems of the great Dorothy Parker, which concluded "You may as well live". Look it up.
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