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Question

04 Jan 2005

Confused
I need some help. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years we have a 9 month old baby boy and we are currently staying together.

We are having some issues. We are constantly fighting -swearing and hitting each other and it always seems to be about money. He can't seem to keep a stable job and always has seems to have these big ideas about making money and he never seems to follow through with it. He hasn't paid the rent for the house for the last 2 months our childs creche fees hasn't been paid for the last 2 months. I have stable job and earns a basic salary and commission. My basic salary covers my car (which I need for work as I am a rep) My insurace and credit card bill that was run up when I was on maternity leave as he was not working most of time - It covered the rent etc. By the way we were evicted from our previous place, due to the rent not being paid on time. I've caught him using drugs when I was on maternity leave. I have stayed by my parents for last month - as I am unambe to contribute anything towards food and rent while staying with my boyfriend. He accuses me of having affairs with other men. I am on antidepressants. I don't know if I still love him or if it is just a bad habit. Somedays I think about ending the relationship but I'm also not sure of how to deel with sadness. He says that he loves me and will try to make things better, I've made an appointment at FAMSA but he decided not to go with.

Answer 431 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

To be constantly fighting and even hitting each other is surely a sign of a troubled relationship, but you don't need me to tell you that. SOunds like he is not very competent in making or handling money, and tends to dream of great money-making schemes rather than making or carrying out, realistic plans. Frankly, he does sound like a bad habit, and maybe a habit worth breaking. It doesn;t sound like he adds any value to your life, financially or emotionally, and if he has refused to join you in counselling at FAMSA, then he doesn't want things to change or get better.
Maybe the drug use is the key fault here, and a basis for most of the other problems, and maybe he is scared to see any counsellor or therapist because they would obviously suggest that he stop laying round guzzling drugs, and that he actually stand up, pretend to be a man, and get a job --- any job, at first, and start supporting you and the child.
Aren't you better off staying with your parents for the time being ? You're scared of "the sadness" if you leave him --- but what would you be feeling sad about ? Maybe about facing the fact that he never has been, and never will be, the man you hoped he'd be, so sadness at giving up a pleasant but highly unrealistic dream ? Surely not sadness about losing someone who abuses and hits you, or drugs his way through money instead of being supportive ?
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