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28 Nov 2005

Hi CS,

I hope you're doing well and getting into gear for the festive season. What I am about to ask you is probably not something new and I probably know the answer too it as well. Thing is that maybe I just need a neutral perspective on this.

Since I have been diagnosed with my epilepsy things were going kind of like between the bottle and the label. I do a lot of research regarding my condition as well as the affect of the Bipolar on this. Though I must admit that the two together is a mission. Not much info, but that in itself is not my problem.

Howcome that the one day I am at peace with the world and accept that I must take medication long term to treat my epilepsy, then on the other hand I get days where I am so upset about it and can just not accept it. I just don't get it, because after my diagnosis the neurologist told me not to cycle anymore, I told her that no one will take cycling away from me and that it is my only way of taking time out for myself and to stay off the anti-deppressants. Only using Tegretol for the mood now. Offcourse I realise the consequences, but I am willing to take the risk. In fact I have just completed the 94.7 on the 20 November and it went very well. No signs of epilepsy.

Then over the weekend I had a huge blackout again. Because my hubby was not at home and kiddies unaware I can not tell exactly what had happened, only knew I was extremely tired after I came round. Had the pre-signs again etc. My neurologist reckon the dosage is fine. This was the 5th episode and yesterday it bogged me all day long. even today I can just not come to terms with living with a "thing" ruling my live whenever it feels like it. I have now become scared to get on my bike and train on the road. I'm freaked out and rebel against it. I can just not accept it.

It took me a long time to accept my Bipolar and I guess it will take a long time to accept the Epilepsy. Thing is in the meantime it freaks me out and I am really becoming depressed.

For goodness sake it is Christmas time and a time to be happy and jolly and Lonestar is hitting a low again. I am trying to stay positive and look to the bright side as I have proven that there is life with Epilepsy, but fail to find the truth in my own thinking and reasoning.

What am I to do?

Answer 473 views

01 Jan 0001

Its so nice to hear from you again, Lonestar, even when you aleady know the best answer to your question !
It's always hard to face the limitations an injury o illness places on our normal way of life. And as you've seen, a less-than predicatable blackout can be a serious problem at the best of tiems and circumstances --- but could be disasterous if it occurred in mid-race, on a bike ! You adapted to the more difficult issue of Bipolar, and you will manage to adapt to this --- work on developing new skills and now sources of fun, so that you;'re not solely reliant on cycling and similar activities for your fun.
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