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25 May 2011

confused
Hi. I met my bf 7 months ago and we went straight into a relationship. Over the months, I have realised that we dont click on some fundamental issues and we have fought quite a bit lately. He travels quite extensively and over the past month that he has been away, I have been reflecting and need to make up my mind whether it is make or break when he gets back this weekend.
However, I have been friends with this other guy for the past year and a half. We have become good friends and we get on really well and have the same ideas on life. I really like this other guy but am scared to make the break with my bf because it is better the devil you know than the angel you dont. What happens if I break up with my bf and then if my friend and I start seeing more of eachother and I also realise he we are on the same wavelength? Then I have basically lost everything.
I am so confused and dont know which way to turn - please help. Thanks.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Most people sem more devilish the more you get to know them, and seem more angelic the less you know them. But one of the points of spending time geting to know someone is to discover that they're neither, and to decide whether the pair of you are compatible or not.
Sounds like you're partly feeling bad as a result of the false assumption many people make that you only ever get one or two lottery tickets in the relationship lottery, and that any loss means you'll be a lonely hermit for the rest of your life. Not so ! Everyone you meet is a learning opportunity.
There's no value at all in remaining with someone with whom you're not substantially happy enough.
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