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05 Apr 2006

Confused boyfriend
Hi doc
I am 27 and 7 months pregnant and the father of the baby I knew him since 1997. The reletionship was ok but had its moments until his ex girlfriend came into the picture in hi last year at varsity and my second year.The reletionship went onwithout my knowledge until I phone at his home his mother picked up and called me by her name.The girl fell pregnant in 2003 and he went on to paying lobola without my knowledge,but at that time I knwe about the pregnancy and decided I want out, in which we did.I stayed a year and half without him but he kept on pestering me and eventually I went out with ihm again.Now in our culture when you are pregnant, my family has to go to his family and let them know that they've got another member of the family, and its up to the boy 'family and the boy to decide whether to send his family to pay for damage or lobola.So with me it was done that way,but the problem came when, I was told about this guy 's wife and all and I was told told to stay away as he's married, even the boy's mother does not want to hear anything to do with my child.Now the boy insist on seeing me irrespective, he threatens me not to maintain his child cos I broke off the whole thing based on his family not him.He says if I want him to maintain his child I will isten to him not his family.I dont know whether he 's crazy or what, I 'm even afraid of him cos he speaks in vulgar language which is unlike him.Do you thnk his family is pressurisng him to marry this girl and he doesnt want or he want to have both of us,or maybe he doesnt wanna loose the comfort zone that he was living in,or he's obssessed about me,cos I dont want to be associated with family anymore I dont trust them, they dont like me.He hasnt been to work in like two months now, nobody knows where he actually hangs out.I wanna know if his having a nervous breakdown or what cos he possess symptoms of person who's unstable.There's is something wrong with him,yesterday he was talking with anger and he would cool off speak again without anger, do you think he takes drugs or something that makes him so delirious?I'm sorry for the long story
Answer 536 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Am I missing something, or has this guy behaved disgracefully badly ? Apparently leading both you AND this other woman to expect him to marry you, fathering a child with both of you ? And actually marrying this other woman, without you knowing until later ? And he kept on pestering you to see him, damaging you AND hurting his wife ? If he is the biological father he HAS by law to pay maintenance, whether he wants to or not, and cannot threaten you with refusal to pay -- go to the maintenance court and get this sorted out. If he refuses to obey the court order to pay, he could go to jail, and the court can also instruct his employer to deduct the money from his salary before he receives the rest of it.
Maintenance is FOR HIS CHILD< and has nothing to do with him, his family, or even you. And the court can and should place that order against him, whether or not he can pay a the moment. He is presumably earning money someow, to pay for his food and supporting his wife and child ?
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