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Question
09 Mar 2004
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crisis
hi doc
I've got a crazy ex from 2000, after we've broken up we kept calling each other as friends and we would bump into each other and chat there was no beef btn us but now he called me few days back asking me to marry him, delaring his love for me and that he has made up his mind he knows what he wants in life. I mean after all these years? and now I have moved on with my life but now it feels so harsh to say no to his face but I know that I have to or I'll be mince meat
PLS help
I've got a crazy ex from 2000, after we've broken up we kept calling each other as friends and we would bump into each other and chat there was no beef btn us but now he called me few days back asking me to marry him, delaring his love for me and that he has made up his mind he knows what he wants in life. I mean after all these years? and now I have moved on with my life but now it feels so harsh to say no to his face but I know that I have to or I'll be mince meat
PLS help
CyberShrink
Dear Terry,
If he doesn't know that marriage has to involve a whole lot more than merely HIM making up his mind, then it sounds like a doomed idea, doesn't it ? It sounds as if the idea is all about what he wants, and he doesn't seem to have even thought of what you might want, and that's unfair. It's not kind to mislead him further. You need to chose a suitable setting, and tell him that while you have no hard feelings towards him, you hav none that are warm enough to justify thinking of engagement and marriage ; that it was sad to have broken up but you have managed to move on with your life, and don't want to disrupt your life again, but maybe stll want to be friends, though nothing deeper than that ?
If he doesn't know that marriage has to involve a whole lot more than merely HIM making up his mind, then it sounds like a doomed idea, doesn't it ? It sounds as if the idea is all about what he wants, and he doesn't seem to have even thought of what you might want, and that's unfair. It's not kind to mislead him further. You need to chose a suitable setting, and tell him that while you have no hard feelings towards him, you hav none that are warm enough to justify thinking of engagement and marriage ; that it was sad to have broken up but you have managed to move on with your life, and don't want to disrupt your life again, but maybe stll want to be friends, though nothing deeper than that ?
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