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11 Aug 2007

CS
Hi CS. How are you? We have another Hope who is dishing out very wise advice, needless to say that is not me, I will be Hope* from now on. I had my appointment with shrink no.3, a really nice experienced shrink, he has put the Efexor up to 250mg for three weeks, if no improvement he will be looking at my meds again. Have taken your advice and am checking BP. Physician has changed my BP meds. I am just so tired and flat i just dont have words to describe it and am still feeling as if I have a dagger shoved through my hip. I would really like to know what you view is on forgivness. For years I have been trying to forgive my abuser, at one stage I thought I had forgiven this person who stole my childhood away from me but no, I have not forgiven and I cant. What if I decide just not to forgive and not think about it anymore?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sounds like you're in good hands, so lets hope it all works out well for you . Managing depression and blood pressure problems at the same time can get complex. I have firm views on forgiveness, and hate the way that it has become a sloppy buzz word, with people who have never in their lives had anything to forgive, urging victims to forgive perps. In the sense of the victim letting go of the bonds of bitterness that tie him or her to the perp who hurt them, I strongly support forgiveness. But I see no value whatever in forgivenes in the sense of letting the perp feel they've got away with it and everything is all right. Forgiveness is something worthwhile when it happens within the victim and is done for the victim, and worthless when it is intended to bring any sort of comfort to the perp. So, you never need to say it was somehow "allright" for the abuser to have done what he did --- it wasn't all right and never ever will be. But the acts are something you can forgive in the sense of letting go and not clinging on to what happened, and leaving it behind you as you move forward
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