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01 Aug 2007

CS please help
I am so confused and don't know what to think. My husband of 5 years told me last week that there is no physical attraction anymore. He still loves me, but is not attracted to me in that way. He also said that it is not a new thing, he is just being honest with me now, but he has been feeling like this for more than 3 years. He says that he doesn't want to make a decision now as he is not in a "mental & emotional state" at the moment to do so. I am also overweight and he told me that it is an issue for him. I struggle with infertility and he knows that having children is very important to me, and now after 4 years of infertility treatments etc. he says he doesn't want children. He is obsessive about his looks and his body and is buying new clothes, gymming etc. He asked me the other night if I would consider an "open marriage" I said to him that it is not even an option for me, then he laughed and said that he was just joking. I don't know what to think anymore, I know I am not perfect and am not judging him. What am I to do?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

It really sounds as though he is troubled, within himself, rather than about you ( if he's talking about being in a difficult "mental and emotional state"). Losing weight would almost certainly help to improve fertility, as would the exercise and enhanced diet that you'dneed in order to lose weight. And why not ask his advice, if he's rather vain and attentive to his looks ? Why can't he take out a gymn membership for you, too, and help you to fit in there and take advantage of that facility. Maybe if you get involved in these other healthy activities, rather than focussing on sexual matters, you would find you had more in common, you would enjoy becoming more attractive, and you could solve these problems together ?
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