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20 Jul 2005

Custody Frustration
Guys I am so angry and confused about my ex and the custody issue. When the divorce went through we had an agrement that we shall shared the responsibility of the kids, but guess what ??? ever since april when we divorced he only had the kid twice, to sleep over only for one night. (The agreement is that he will have them every second weekend).

Everytime when he is supposed to have the kids over he tells me he is working that weekend, now It looks like I do not have time for myself as every weekend I have the kids.

We will be going to court in two weeks for the maintannce issue, he says he can only afford 1000 for both kids and I want 3000 as this includes shelter, food, school, medical aid, clothes etc. When we went to court we were given an expenditure form to fill out and they said we must also brign our payslip for the court to (I think decide how much we can each afford).

My question.

1. Can I mention to the magistrate that he is not sticking to the custody agreement, will he be forced to have them when its his turn.

2. for the past six months he has not been paying me the full amount of maintance as agreed upon, how will the issue be handled, cause I think I want the court to order his employer to pay me direct from his salary. (He pays for our 7 yr old, I took him to court for an increase and for the second one)

3. OR must I just let him be, if he does not want to see his kids so be it, it will be his loss. - the 7 yr old always want to know when is he going to come fetch him, how will I then deal with this as I have been covering for him and I am tired.

Thanks


Answer 434 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

On the custody issue, remember, as in all of this, the aim is to decide what's best for the kids, not for him, or even for you. There's no point in forcing the kids on him, if they or he feel reluctant about it. If he doesn't see the kids enough, that's his loss. maybe it's best to leave it be. But tell him to speak to the kids about how his work is making it dificult for him to have the time he'd like to spend with them, etc., so they don't feel they can blame themselves, as kids often do in such situations.
DIscuss with the court the matter of him not having paid the agreed upon maintenance up to now, as they need to take this into account in deciding the amount he should pay, and how he should pay it.
lulu's response seems wise and experienced !
And call in, if you can, and have a chat with the court staff, to make sure you understand the procedures, eg about representing yourself.
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