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13 Jul 2005

Custody update
My lawyer called me on Monday to tell me that my ex-husband has agreed to give me custody, with my stipulation that he pay for their travelling expenses to go and visit. This includes him buying them return tickets before they go and visit. He's not allowed to buy them single tickets. The proof that they'll be back has to be there before they leave. I've agreed for him to only pay me R800 per month for both my sons in support. He's also paying to have our settlement made an order of the court. So I save money there, plus I don't have to wait for an extra long court case - during he won't need to pay me a cent - to get support payments. My lawyer also said that the court is not very happy to tell the one parent to pay the costs of the other. They usually tell both to pay their own costs. Only with extreme extenuating circumstances will they consider telling the one to pay for the others' costs and I honestly don't think that this was the case here.

And another thing - apparently you cannot get the money back for all the expenses. You have to pay for your own consultations with your lawyer and most of his/her other expenses too. You can only claim back the portions where they had to communicate with his lawyer as well as all costs related to the actual court case like court appearances and communication with the court. This is usually between 60 and 75% of the costs.

So his capitulation saved me at least R10 000. Perhaps up to R15 000. And the support payments I get after a short court case as opposed to a long court case, gets me an extra R8000. I can also apply to have that increased in a years' time, its better to not fight for it now. Its better to think about the long term than about right now. I'm taking into consideration that he's opening a new business now and that he really cannot afford to pay more - for now. Next year his business will be more settled and then he'll be able to pay more.

Even with this problem resolved, I've still got some big stuff happening. I'm moving into my new house this weekend. My sons are moving to a new school this term. I'm starting a new job from the 1st. My anxiety levels are very high and the pills I use for that are finished. I think I should go to my psychiatrist and get a new prescription. Paying the price for getting everything I wanted. I also have a middle ear infection and the dizzyness is driving me crazy. I'm dazed and confused right now ;).

Enough from me.
Liza
Answer 358 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hi Liza,
Thanks so much for the follow-up. SOunds like you've done well, out of a situation that not long ao seemed to you to be heading for inevitable disaster ! It also sounds as though you have been especially sensible, and with really good legal advice, through the whole process. Ideally, of course, one wants to limit the number of major stressful changes in one's life within any particular period, but sometimes one can't avoid them. With this case, moving to a new house, a new school, and a new job, you've been aiming at a jackpot ! All this, AND jumping out of planes, too ? Was life really getting too dull for you ?
s, do see your psychiatrist and get more or diferent meds to help through this phase. When the change / stress score gets high, one's risk of all sorts of ill-health mounts, hence, perhaps the ear infection, too. Hope it's soon cleared up.
Well done
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