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26 Jul 2005

CyberShrink Help- sibling 13yrs in trouble
Hello,

I am 28yrs old living with my sister 13yrs old doing grade 8 and our parents live far from where we live.

I caught her with a boy ( kissing) on sunday and I confronted her thinking she will deny it all but to my suprise she admitted that the guy had told her that he loves her and that she has mixed feeling about this and she told him that she doesn't know what she is feeling.

I asked her about the boy and she said he is 17yrs old attending the same school doing matric and most of the time she is home alone when I am here at work and since this I do not trust her and I am not confortable living her alone anymore.

so yesterday I went to tell our parents, my mother is as shocked as I am and my father wants to beat up the boy. and I am confused as to what I should tell her and what I shouldn't, I don't want to cause harm in the relationship that we have with my sister but I also do not want to encourage her to date at such an early age? in my culture we only should satrt dating atleast after matric 18yrs and I don't know how to handle this ? please help me
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Well, she should be discouraged from feeling she needs to accept kissing just because a boy says he loves her, especially as she doesn't apparently have strong feelings for him. But a 17 year-old dating and kissing a 13-year old steers very close to the criminal, as sex with someone of her age would amount to rape. Tell her that this would be criminal and get the boy into endless trouble, and that it is foolish for her to start into romantic relationships at her age when she has so many better things to do. Your culture is right, and most cultures would agree that she is far too young for dating. Maybe someone should speak to the boy's parents.
And if she hasn't received proper sex education, now is the time to start, and talk with her about not simply basic sex, but the risk of teenage pregnancy, STD and AIDS. And to remind her that once she has given in to this boy, he will probably see to it that she develops a bad reputation, and hat others will expect nothing more of her than sex.
One can't, in the end, protect a child by your own vigilence and closely watching them --- it may only make them more determined to find a way to hide what they're doing. The only hope, and it takes time, is to help them to want to behave well.
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