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18 Jul 2006

dad is just as useless
Dearest CS

I think you need a break after this one:

I phoned dad. His cell was off. I left a message saying i have something important to tell him and that he should return my call. He did, i told him “Dad, Mel is in trouble, she is maybe anorexic and that she needs help immediatly.” Dad replied by saying “Oh, i thought you dropped out of varsity or failed your exam”. I meen HELLO! Doesnt anyone listen?

I phoned home only to speak to our domestic maid telling me Meliny just collapsed in the kitchen and that she is trying to get her cool and keep her concoius. I then called mum who happpens to be in a meeting. All she could say was “Well, this will have to wait till your dad gets home round about 7 this evening.”

Doc, i can not take this anymore! Why did Mel collapse? Why doesnt mum and dad see that little girl is ill, that she needs medical attention. She needs support and care. Im already writing a test tomorrow, i wish i could go home just to be with Mel.

What caused her to collapse? And the fine hair we spoke about? How fatal is Anorexia? I suppose its not like a flu, you have it today and tomorrow its gone right? Is there someone here on H24 that can guide me?

If mum dont care about Mel’s condition, how on earth will she ask her USA friends about that?

Im in tears here where i sit and i should study, but little Mel is really more important than my distinctions now.

We unfortunatly do not have family here in SA. Everyone is in Italy and London.

Anorexics dont commit suicide, do they? Mel wont do it, will she?

Meghan
Answer 404 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Meghan,
Sorry to hear about the continuing saga. Some parents truly take one's breath away, in the extent to which they can be totally absorbed i their self-importance and careless about others. Try to be a bit calmer, because your sense of alarm if perceived by Mel, may not help her. ANYONE MIGHT commit suicide, whatever their disorder or none --- anorexics aren't usually of an especially high risk. But distressed young women needing support who are being ignored by their significant others, are at significant risk of suicide attempts, and even though they usually survive them, attempts are not good for one's health.
Anorexia can be a stubborn condition to treat, but can be successfully treated. Its major risks are in the long-term, more than acute dangers. One common dimension is someone who feels out of control of significant situations in their life, and who choose to obsessively control their weight / size / shape / eating patterns, ignoring more useful things to control.
My reference to your mom asking her American friends, was simply to say that if she doubts that this is a common and serious condition eneding treatment, I'm sure her American friends would convince her of that ( and they'd be appalled by parents who ignored it ). I wonder to what extent your parents ignoring of her in general, could be part of Mel's problems overall ?
As M says, surely the family has a GP you could call ? and even if he saw her in relation to her collapse, given the right information about you, he could be alert to the possibility of Anorexia, assess her for this, and recommend to your parents, firmly, the right local shrink's assessment ?
Don't blame yourself for not being there --- you have your own life to look after, and are distant, for good reasons. Your parents have a continuing responsibility --- and they have managed to not be there even when they are there, from what you say ! They ma have something to feel guilty about, but if they were capable of feeling that, maybe there wouldn't be a problem.
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