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20 Feb 2004

dad taking over my life
hi
i hate life soooo much now a days, reason being my father.
he dissapeared a few years ago, we found him, and he moved in with me and my boyfriend of the past 8 years till he could get on his feet again. problem is - that never happend!
he started working, and being an alkoholic, drank all his money out, coming home drunk, working on my nerves, swearing at me and saying bad things to me in my own home, i asked him not to drink in my house or come home drunk to no availe. and he did not whant to move out and get his own place, because he can't stand on his own two feet and do anyting for himself. (when he and my mother was still together she did everything for him, and he beat her up all the time since before i was born) every time i tried to ask him to get his own place, he tried to black mail me by saying that he will dissapear again and that i will never see him again and he never left. he took over my life and i had no one to help me with him (my 2 brothers have no time in the world for him and can't stand him, and he's last living relative, his sister, commited suicide not too long ago, leaving me stuck with someone that is taking over and ruining my young life (i am only 23) because he doesn't whant to be on his own or work or leave the drinking. now he doesnt have a job anymore (he just left it) he got his car stolen when he went into the city to get drunk and he doesnt have any money of his own. i am getting sick and tyred of looking after him. me and my boyfriend just whant our own lives back, living togher alone for a change, being able to invite friends over. my mother can never visit nor my brothers because they dont whant to see him. he's taking over my life, im'e fighting with my boyfriend all the time because i am depressed about my father not giving me any space. i feel like commiting suicide just to be free. please help, i have no money to see someone about this. he has no where else to go and no money what so ever, and with his drinking no one will rent him a place of his own (he bothers everyone, leaves doors wide open etc, and because of his drinking he can't even keep a job (he also doen't believe that he has a drinking problem) i can't take this much longer
Answer 429 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear caged,
This is certainly not fair, and he is an alcoholic and abusive bum. Invite him to do you the enormous faour of getting lost again, which is the very best gift he could give you. He is doing you no favour by invading your life and lodging himself in your home. Emotional blackmail, like any other sort of blackmail, should not be accepted.
Give him a week at most to do one of two things -- (a) to agree to live by YOUR home rules --- no drinking at home, and no arriving home drunk, sart serious treatment with a shrink and a rehab program in order to stop drinking and enrol and continue to actively work with AA ; or to rapidly make alternative arrangementsand leave, and if he then refuses to move out, call the police to remove him. Allowing him to stay and drink and ruin your life is not doing him any favours, either.
Fatherhood gives him responsibilities, which he has ignored, rather than giving him any permament entitlement to eternal servitude by you.
he can chose to remain a drunken bum and ruin his own life, but do NOT allow him the choice of draging you down with him.
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