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23 Nov 2004

Daughter Gay?
My 11 year old daughter confessed that she is totally in love with her school friend (age 13). She said that she is the one for her and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with this girl and get married. She dreams of this girl and she is always on her mind. She is sad now because her friend is off to high school and she is scared they may lose contact.

My daughter has not experienced sexual feelings for this girl, in fact she says that she has not experienced any sexual feelings for either femals or males.

Is this normal for someone her age or could it be a sign that she has gay tendencies? How do I deal with this? She asked me whether she is a 'lesbian'.

She is a tom boy and prefers playing with boys toys. She does not like wearing dresses. Although she has mentioned that she prefers being a girl and she identifies boys that are 'hot'. She has not had a boyfriend although she liked a boy in her class last year that liked her. She did however decide that they stay friends instead of ruin a good friendship.

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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

11 is indeed too young to tell about ultimate sexual orientation. Some Tom Boys grow into sleek and feminine mothers, some boy's dismissed as sissies become ruigby players and fathers of 8. And as she has confirmed to you, this isn't sexual at all, and she hasn't yet arrived at the stage of having distinctly sexual feelings for male or female.
What it sounds most like, is what used to be called a schoolgirl Crush --- a profound but almost always time-limited emotional attachment for someone, usually older, who may be a male or female teacher, or an older student. The person often serves as a role model for them, having some characteristics te child especially admires, and often copies, sometimes with benefit, sometimes less beneficially. It passes.
And Shaun, has someone corrupted the Spell Check file on you computer, or have you been at some of Dude's erbal remedies this morning ?
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