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10 Aug 2007

Death of baby
I had an IUD at full term. That was in Nov 2003. I learnt to live with it and moved on. With my 2nd pregnancy I was afraid the whole time that the same would happen again. I had a baby boy in April 2005. As time passes, I get more afraid and anxious that something similar is going to happen. Maybe he will go to sleep and not wake up or I see all these different scenarious that can go wrong. I don't know why it is getting worse as time goes by. Is there anyone who can help or maybe explain it to me? I am feeling rather desperate!
Answer 409 views

01 Jan 0001

So sorry to hear about this, Pokkel --- and your reactions are normal, but need and deserve assistance. After the awful experience of losing the first child, one can actually, if one isn't careful, increase the risk to your second child by being over-protective. Counselling would be a really good idea, to enable you to get back to being normally protective and caring, without smothering, so you can recognize the boy's resilience and strength and let him enjoy a normal childhood.
I find in circumstances like these two types of problems often arise --- one is the over-concern, over-protactiveness, excessive worrying you describe here, the other is a parent who becomes cool and uncaring, scared to invest her love in the child for fear of losing him too. Both patterns are in the long-term, not wholesome for a child. Yours is the safest variety of this problem, but needs a counsellors help to get it back into proportion so you and the child can both become free to enjoy life all the more
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