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Question

06 Dec 2004

Definately not a problem for sexologist
I can not get my b/f to sit down and talk about our bedroom problems.

I am not satisfied by him but my problem is that i feel that if i tell him this he will withdraw and we will have even less intercourse.

He is not very talkative i don't even know if he knows that he is not satisfying me.

How do I talk to him about our intimacy problem without him getting upset?

We have a wonderful relationship but intimacy and communication is terrible.

Counseling is not an option he is adimant that their is nothing wrong with him or our relationship.
Answer 440 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sounds like a good example of a common situation. When the one problem ( the bedroom problems in this case ) could probably be relatively easily solved, were it no for the second problem, of non-communication. Trying to solve such problems without talking abou them, is like trying to make a Christmas cake without touching any of the ingredients.
Yopu can approach this subtly and usefully, not be communicating a blanket comment on dissatisfaction, but by complimenting him on whatever he does right, or nearly right, suggesting that you'd really like more of X which he does so well ( even if he barely does it ). Maybe suggesting calmly that there's something different you would like to try with him. Maybe asking him if there's more you could do which he might find more pleasing ( and encouraging him to think likewise). Rather as emma suggests.
I don't believe that you are "the problem" but that approach mnight interest him in finding a solution, to "your problem" so long as we don't have to even suggest that anyu of it might be "his problem".
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