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Question
21 Jan 2004
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Degraded seeing ex or his now-wife after he cheated on me
U probably remember me, my ex boyfriend cheated on me, got engaged to this woman while we were still going out, broke it off with me, only telling me 4days later that he got engaged, and got married 3 weeks later to her. He was the first person I slept with, so I am finding it hard to get over the feelings of being used and tossed away. I never got closure, he just broke it off, saying that he never wants to get married, but in the meantime he got engaged to this person. And I have to deal with feelings of negativity, distrust and the rest.
I KNOW I was not in the wrong, but what can I do to stop feeling embarrassed, hurt, degraded, humiliated when I see either him, her or people who knew us as a couple, bcos he told me so many lies in my face, heaven alone knows what lies he told about me to people. Please help.
I KNOW I was not in the wrong, but what can I do to stop feeling embarrassed, hurt, degraded, humiliated when I see either him, her or people who knew us as a couple, bcos he told me so many lies in my face, heaven alone knows what lies he told about me to people. Please help.
CyberShrink
Dear d,
The sad fact of life is that really bad things happen, usually to really good people. But not all te time, fortunately. I'm pleased to hear that you're seeing a shrink to work on this and to set yourself free from the aftermath of this louse's bad behaviour. Remind ourself, whenever these bad feelings arise --- "it was HIS fault, I did nothing wrong, I can feel proud of how good I have been. " Feel sorry for the woman who has now ended as his wife. YOU know she cannot possibly rely on anything he says or promises, and that he's unlikely to be faithful to her. It is HIM who should feel ashamed when he sees you, not the other way round. And people who knew you as a couple will soon realize what a louse he is, and have no reason to think any the less of you. This episode has been a bad blow to your self-image, but work hard with your shrink, and you can emerge from this stronger than before.
The sad fact of life is that really bad things happen, usually to really good people. But not all te time, fortunately. I'm pleased to hear that you're seeing a shrink to work on this and to set yourself free from the aftermath of this louse's bad behaviour. Remind ourself, whenever these bad feelings arise --- "it was HIS fault, I did nothing wrong, I can feel proud of how good I have been. " Feel sorry for the woman who has now ended as his wife. YOU know she cannot possibly rely on anything he says or promises, and that he's unlikely to be faithful to her. It is HIM who should feel ashamed when he sees you, not the other way round. And people who knew you as a couple will soon realize what a louse he is, and have no reason to think any the less of you. This episode has been a bad blow to your self-image, but work hard with your shrink, and you can emerge from this stronger than before.
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