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Question
05 Feb 2004
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Desperate!
My fiancee has been seperated for more than 2 years, got divorced just over a year ago! As of yet, he gets very depro when thinking of his 2 sons. He is still very close to them and will do anything for them! See's them every 2nd week, phoning basically every night. Its painfull for me to see him going through this depression more often than anything else. Recently he got depro for 3 weeks. We were like total strangers, just staying together. It had a terrible effect on me as I'm pregnant and was wondering does he really love us, me??
I know this is painful for him and I wouldnt know what to do if my daughter weren't with me. I try to let him talk about it, trying to assure him that irrespective of what, they know he still loves them, will do anything for them. However no matter what I say or do (trying to do everything for him, making sure he can basically just eat at night and then rest) I can't get through to him. What can I do to make it 'easier' (wrong term, not sure what to call it exactly) for him? I'm not sure if I have the strength to do 3 more similar weeks, without trying at least to DO something constructive to help him.
I know this is painful for him and I wouldnt know what to do if my daughter weren't with me. I try to let him talk about it, trying to assure him that irrespective of what, they know he still loves them, will do anything for them. However no matter what I say or do (trying to do everything for him, making sure he can basically just eat at night and then rest) I can't get through to him. What can I do to make it 'easier' (wrong term, not sure what to call it exactly) for him? I'm not sure if I have the strength to do 3 more similar weeks, without trying at least to DO something constructive to help him.
CyberShrink
Dear Laruscka,
Kernel is right --- you're doing a lot, admitably. He needs to stop getting locked into self-pity and hopelessness, accept the situation which is unchangeable, and get on with the rest of his life. Counselling, giving him access to someone with professional knowledge and experience, and, crucially, someone who is not personally invested in the situation, could help a lot. Only total and disgusting idiots think anything less of anyone who chooses to see a counsellor. It's never "mad" to see a counsellor or a shrink, it can sometimes be "mad" not to do so.
Kernel is right --- you're doing a lot, admitably. He needs to stop getting locked into self-pity and hopelessness, accept the situation which is unchangeable, and get on with the rest of his life. Counselling, giving him access to someone with professional knowledge and experience, and, crucially, someone who is not personally invested in the situation, could help a lot. Only total and disgusting idiots think anything less of anyone who chooses to see a counsellor. It's never "mad" to see a counsellor or a shrink, it can sometimes be "mad" not to do so.
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