Ask an expert
Question

20 Apr 2006

Desperate! Please Help!
I am a 36yr old divorced male who has custody over my 6yr old boy. (My ex wife cheated on me four times and left me for a black guy from Ghana) My son is the love of my life and the only reason for me to hang on to life. My major problem I have been struggling with over the past 15yrs is overcoming my first love. She was and still is my true love. I think of her every day of my life. She is forever in my dreams. I believe she is my only solemate. She broke up with me 15yrs back after seeing a "fortune teller" and married someone who "fitted" the "fortune teller's" description. (Long Story)

Up to yesterday I still had contact with her and her sisters. I used to be "part of the Family". Two of her sisters who I am still friends with told me that she told her family that the biggest regret she has ever had was leaving me. According to her sisters she is not that happily married. The only reason for her staying with him is her two children. I understand this. I have been through a divorce so I know how traumatic it can be. Yesterday I phoned her and confronted her over her feelings towards me. I wanted us to go for coffee and chat about things. She declined my offer which I respected. My question is... Why must life be so unfair? I still love her with all my heart and would do anything for her. She still loves me! Why can't we be together?

Another problem I have is my work. I have my own succesfull company but I'm bored with it. I go to work and pretend to be busy otherwise I feel guilty. I have great staff and they run my company. I don't even have to be there!
My life is becoming a drag! I'm hating it! My daily routine is as follow: I get up in the morning, get my son ready for school, take him to school, go to work, pretend to work, think about my first love, go fetch my boy from school, spend quality time with him, feed him, bath him, put him to bed, get depressed about life and then go sleep.

These are not the only problems I'm struggling with! There are lots more!

How do I get out of this rut? Who do I have to go see? I getting desperate. Please help! My boy needs me!
Answer 416 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sounds like you would really benefit from seeing a good local counsellor, to sort out this mixture of uncomfortable feelings, and the perhaps unhelpful conclusions you have drawn from a series of unfortunate and painful experiences. Depresion is a real possibility, too, and, fortunately, very well treatable. Neither woman seems to have your feelings, and you best interests at heart --- you deserve, and can find, someone much better than either of them,
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
33% - 9362 votes
No
67% - 19304 votes
Vote