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20 Jan 2004

Desperately need a coping mechanism
Dear Doc and all the old timers - I need a shoulder to cry on. I am so upset and it is almost impossible to cope with this enormous feeling of loss.

My 18 year old son will be leaving for the UK this coming Saturday. He will be away for 2 yrs (working and not a holiday) and somehow to me it feels as though it will be forever. I am so grateful for this opportunity that has come his way but no matter how great and wonderful the experience is going to be (for him), it still does not make me feel one bit better about the whole situation.

I know that we have to let our children go at some stage in our lives, I just wasn't expecting it to hurt so much once that moment arrives. I am being extremely brave in front of him and the family, but I cry myself to a standstill whenever I am alone. I am not afraid for his well being because he is extremely wise and independant for his age - it is just the thought that he won't be around (for a long time) when I get that great urge to give him a hug or share a joke or just to lounge around and talk nonsense for a few hours.

It feels like yesterday when I reprimanded him for writing with his crayons on the passage wall, when did he get so big ? To every parent who reads this - go home tonight and hug your kids, tell them you love them as you say good night. I have done this for 18 years and it's these moments I will remember and hang on to.

As my child enters this big world on his own - I feel as though I am mourning and not celebrating - letting go of my child must be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

I love him so much.

Answer 407 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Lucia,
Gee, and on a day when I was feeling a bit LESS like an "oldtimer" ! Congratulations, first, on having raised such a capable and enterprizing son --- it soudns like you've done a really good job there ! The good news, is that though you feel awfully bereft right now, this pain WILL ease, though it never feels as if it is possible that it could, before it does.
And you have so many more ways of keeping in contact than we had available even a few years ago, with email. Maybe, if your ISP provides space for an internet site ( which most subscribers don't use ) you can set up a family site where you can post news and pictures for him to visit, and he could do likewise. And as lady nina points out, you can even consider a pair of webcams for contact.
And, after all the fine gifts you have given him so far, it's time to give one of the biggest gifts --- freedom and independence. And this gift will mean that you'll never lose him, wherever he is.
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