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28 Jul 2008

Did I do the right thing
I just broke up with my fiance after a two year relationship. I moved out of the house two months ago after I found out that he was still using drugs. I told him that i will not come back unless he seeks help for his problem and he stops drinking. He drinks every day, but not to the extent that he gets very drunk. He agreed, but he did not stick to anything... going out until 4 in the morning from a Wednesday to a Saturday and then I have to deal with a hungover man on a Sunday. We had an argument on Saturday and I just decided enough is enough, so I packed mine and my daughter' s things and left (Not his child). The fight got physical and I he did this infront of my daughter. I just decided enough is enough. I do love him deeply, my heart says go back but my head says no. You is in financial trouble and also blames that on my and reminds me and my daughter all the time how we leech off him. He has been harassing me for the past two days saying that he wants money for the rent for the next month and he wants additional money for all the financial stress I put him through. I told him I can only afford to pay him a little a month, but he wants all now. I dont know how to deal with him as he threatens to make my life hell and that is the reason why I decide to go back all the time because he just adds so much pressure to my life... Did i do the right thing or am I being over sensitive. Am I expecting too much.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Your decision sounds entirely justifiable, for all of your sakes. He will not stop drinking or drugging on his own, and especially not when he has a loving partner who he can persuade to tolerate it. If he wants to blame his financial woes on you and your daughter, then of course your absence will enable him to sort them all out promptly and thoroughly. And if he can't maybe he'll realize the true author of his woes. Dont give him a single brass cent for his "financial woes" which are not caused by you and not your responsibility. Has he ever thought of how much less these woes would be if he spent nothing on booze and drugs ? Whatever you gave him would probably be spent on booze and drugs, anyway. If you feel you should pay anything towards his rent for a month or two, arrange to pay it directly to the landlord, rather than giving any of it to him.
Do not go back, expect little but trouble from him, and consider getting a restraining order from a court to forbid him from harassing you or the child.
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