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28 Jul 2006

Did something awful last night.......
CS, Last night I did something that I said to myself I will NEVER do. But hell, i did it without thinking. That was the problem. I did not THINK!!!!
My kids go to their dad every third w/end.
They were there for about a week in the school holidays, And he brought them back the 13th, a thursday.
That weekend they were with me, and last w/end they were with me. SO this comming w/end, to me, is HIS w/end.
Obviously for the kids too, as yesterday morning my eldest started to pack her stuff for going to her dad.
Last night I phoned him, to know what time he will pick them up (its never the same time). Where he then tells me its NOT his w/end, he aint taking them.
I tried explaining to him why i think it is, and that the kids also are under the impression its his w/end, but he kept saying it not.
I then asked him if he will please be willing to take them this w/end, even though then its not his w/end, because we will have visitors their & the house will be too full.
I then heard his wife in the background....screaming "NOOOO"

he then said to me, that his wife does not want..........

At that point my daughter came in the room. When i hung up, I informed her that they will not begoing to their dad for the w/end. She asked me why
and I said, cuz your stepmother does not want you there!!!
I also added to her that is the reason why they only go every thrd & not every second w/end, because the stepmother said so.

The kids said to me "we can go somewhere else mommy?"
ANd i realized then what ive done!!!!!!!!!!!! they think I dont want them there, and now feel unwanted at their dad's house!!!
I did what i said i will never do, badmouthing the stepmother and the father!!!

I feel so sad & guilty today, because although I told them that i want them to stay with me & we are going to have a nice w/end, I am sure the damage were done.

DO you think this will have an impact on their lives? I feel so horrible today. I regret getting angry and showing it so much.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

OK, an unfortunate turn of events, but not irremediable. Have a chat with the kids, and listen more to what they say and feel, without jumping in too early with explanations. I doubt that this will have any long-term impact on their lives --- indeed if you beat yourself up too much about it, that's more likely to be a problem for them. And with the Ex, maybe you two need to sit down briefly with a calendar, and sketch out which weekends he will have them through the rest of the year, and stick with that plan unless reasonable events change enough to suggest a negotiated change in the schedule ; rather than relying on memory. It may not be that his new wife strongly wishes not to have the kids, but maybe they forgot about the schedule and made other plans that couldn't readiloy involve the kids and would be hard to change. And meanwhile, forgive yourself for being human
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