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12 Nov 2006

Difficult children
Hi, I generally like children and my fiance is also very good with them. My brother's children, however, push the boundaries. Neither of them know how to react to attention and they get silly when either of us sit down to talk to them or want to play a game with them. My nephew once hit my fiance in the face and he didn't take that very well. He lifts my dress and even pinches my breasts. He is already six years old and I feel such behaviour is totally inappropriate. He is getting counceling, but it doesn't seem to help, since he has been going for longer than a year now and there's still no improvement. We never invite them over anymore for my nephew wreaked havoc the last time we did. If we go over to their place I get so upset, for all I want to do is discipline the kids. This means that I hardly get to see my brother and it really bothers me. How should I handle this? I know it is not my place to discipline the children and the times I do my sister-in-law frowns upon it and my brother overreacts by sending the children to their room or giving them a hiding. Please give me advice.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

You're right --- such behaviour IS totally inappropriate and these are badly brought-up, badly-behaved brats. And for a 6 year-old to lift your dress and pinch your breasts is alarming, and even raises some concerns about possible sexual abuse in his past --- normal 6 year-olds don't don that. Counselling that lasts over a year without noticeable improvement is useless, and suggests an inadequate counsellor, and that a change of approach and therapist is urgently needed. And as it sounds as though your brother has no idea of how to discipline his kids ( kids need discipline, structure and rules in their lives almost as much as they need food, water and shelter ) maybe HE and his wife need to see a psychologist to learn how to do this properly. Sounds like possibly in that family, mom under-reacts and over-indulges them, and dad tries to pretend nothing is wrong, and then over-reacts,
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