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09 Feb 2004

Difficult Partner
Marriage what a difficult thing. I feel very discouraged asking myself if I’m going to survive marriage with the kind of partner I have. We had a fight on Saturday when I apologies he tells me he won’t accept my apology until I show him some respect, in the meantime he’s not even apologising for the awful things he said. My husband is so cruel if he’s angry more than once he reminded me that the pots we use in our house he bought them, reminding me that all the furnisher we have are his. He demand respect from me that I don’t even get from him. I don’t know how to handle him anymore.
Yesterday I cooked and dished out he said he’ll eat later, then he goes and made himself some eggs and left the food I cooked….what is that. How do I handle this kind of person. Please advice.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Any husband that has to remind his wife who bought the pots and pans, sounds more married to his credit card than to his wife. While he is handling this situation badly, from the sound of it, it does seem clear that he FEELS thast you don't respect him, even if he fails to notice the extent to which he disrespects you. You could try making him feel respected, not as a way of capitulating / surrendering, but as a way of modelling for him, showing him how it is done. And perhaps, in talking with him ( NOT during an argument, when no useful talking gets done ) talk about how it must be hard for him to show respect for you when he has not been feeling that you respect him, and that you are trying to break this vicious cycle between the two of you, and would really appreciate it if he would also try to make you fel more respected --- because that would be best for both of you.
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