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21 Jul 2006
I have a 7 month old baby. I've been married for 4 years. We tried desperately to have this child. My problem is that my hubby doesnt seem to care for us. He would never just give me or the baby a hug. I should tell him to kiss the baby hello or bye. I must always ask him to change the nappy, to do this, do that...He would rather sit in front of the tv than play with our baby. We had a huge argument this evening. I've had enough of his behaviour and asked him why he doesnt care for us. His answer is that if I dont ask him to do it he will out of his own. I love this man dearly but wont stand to someday see the hurt in my baby's eyes if his father would rather watch tv than play with him! Should I leave this man for good? (get a divorce)? Or should I go stay with my mother and fater for a while until he misses us? Please help me! My heart is breaking!
Do see a marriage counsellor together. You love each other, and you love your child, but are out of synch, at present, in how to show that caring and love. As M wisely points out, many men have signuificant difficulty in showing affection, and this is partly broad socialization and partly that many were not themselves shown much affection when they were younger. His father's suicide when he was young will have afected him, of course. and maybe he is trying to find a way to do the affectionate things spontaneously, in his own way --- and if you rush in and tell him to do things ( even if this is an understandable reaction on your part ), it makes it harder for him to learn to do so spontaneously. Going away at this time is unlikely to help --- counselling is likely to help
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