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17 Dec 2004

I wrote a couple of months ago trying to decide whether I should get divorced or not. I have been divorced now for over two months but I am struggeling. I divorced him because we had too many disagreements. He says he realised his mistakes and he is sorry he didn't work on them while he had the chance. These past few weeks I have been missing him alot and think about him all day long and sometimes wish I hadn't done it. But then on the other hand, I think that if I had stayed with him, the figting would have continued. There is somebody else in my life now as well. Someone I have known for any years and he has told me that he loves me very much. He is very good to me and always takes me into consideration. He also doesn't want to push me into a relationship as he knows that I am still hurting (I was married for 9 years). So, now I'm sitting inbetween two fires - on the one side my ex-husband who I cannot forget and who still loves me and on the other side this other guy who also loves me but I don't know how I feel about him. I must say that this other guy knows how to let me laugh and we do things together - go places and so on, which me and my husband almost never did. I have two children with my ex-husband and they love him dearly.
What do you think? Will it be best just to wait it out and see what happens and not go into a relationship at all at this stage?
Answer 360 views

01 Jan 0001

Many people who divorce, especially those who had been causing most of the difficulties, later regret that they didn'tm invest the time and effort into trying to solve the problems first --- that's why, except in blatantly abusive relationships, I generally recommend that a couple sincerely engage in Marriage Counselling First, in order to see how much can be solved and salvaged.
What you're aiming at, at this stage, isn't to forget your first husband, but to get over the sadness, and to be able to think fondly of the good parts of the mariage, without pain, and to be able to think comfortably of the bad parts, as aspects of life that were well worth leaving behind. You're wise not to rush into a firm and binding second relationship yet, though this guy sounds pleasant and understanding. Maybe in time, even consider a spot of relationship counselling between you, before deciding on a definite committment
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