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22 Jul 2005

Do I have valid reasons for leaving?
I need some advise. My relationship has been torn to pieces. He has just changed. He recently got a promotion which means more work and new employees. One of these employees have become friends with him. Ever since they have become friends, he goes to strip clubs, he keeps secrets from me. He flirts with the women at work. He comes home late and always goes out on Fridays. He asked for freedom and he took advantage of it. He has time for his friends but never time for me. Nearly every month - I find out about some secret he ahs kept from me and I keep on forgiving him. He has no appreciation for me. I am always at home - cooking and cleaning for him. While he goes out and drinks and cheats. He says that if I ever leave him - he will destroy me financially, mentally and emotionally. He says that if I want to go anywhere or visit any of my friends - I must ask him. He says no in any case. He looks though my phone all the time and has accused me all the time of messing him around (which I have never done). He says that he is the most important person in my life and he deserves only the best and he is perfect and he wants the perfect partner. Last week I was suppose to meet him out for drinks and I was 10 min late and he went off his rocket in front of everyone. He said that I was suppose to be there long before he had even got there. I cannot take this abuse anymore and I cannot handle be treated like this
We tried to work things out last night but it never worked. This morning he says it's over and now he phones me and says he does not wanna break up. Then he says that he is going out with the guys tonight and he would like it if I stayed at home and then tomo he is going to the rugby with his friends and he would also like me to stay at home while he is away. And then on Sunday we can have another talk about our relationship. What the hell? and who does he think I am? Every time I voice my opinion then I must move out of his house. .Do you think I have valid reasons to leave him or am I over-reacting?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

If I received R 5o for very time I get asked "Am I over-reacting?" I'd be a very rich man !
Sounds like his promotion has foolishly gone to his head, and that, earning a bit more, he is now wasting all of it on foolishness. Do NOT just keep on forgiving him, and make it clear that he needs to either engage properly with you and discuss these unpleasant changes in his behaviour, or lose your company. His threats and over-controlling tendencies are frankly abusive --- indeed, call POWA for specific advice on how to safely exit a relationship with this cheap and cocky little boy. You are UNDER-reacting. Find a good safe place to go and stay, with friends or family, and move out. Maybe during one of his long absences.
Good advice all round !
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