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01 Apr 2007

Do men view porn just to relax or what?
I'm 31 years old and married nearly 11 years. I've always seemed to have a higher sex drive than my hubby, even after we had our son 2 years ago. It used to cause alot of arguments but now it's not that I'm less interested but I just don't bug him about it anymore. I don't feel resentment anymore either. Ok, we used to have sex probably once a week. Now it seems to be twice a month, basically when he's in the mood, it seems to make life easier that way.
My question is this - I know he views porn on the internet and I don't mind even though he hides it from me, I know it's only natural - but if he's so disinterested in sex, why the porn? In my mind I'm thinking if you're looking for porn then surely you must have sex on the brain - so I'm confused. I also don't know when last I initiated sex I stopped doing it because I was tired of being rejected. Actually sometimes I want to but I don't know why I just don't. And I definitely don't want to get into another fruitless discussion with him about it.
Or do you think i should just not bother trying to analyse it and just let it be?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

DO check out the archives of this Forum, as we have discussed this specific question so many times, and I'm sure you'll find the previous discussions helpful to read.
In the specifics of the example you quote, it may well be that your husband has some performance anxiety, and is more interested now in sex as an almost theoretical exercise in his fantasies, rather than as a physical act within which he may well not feel very adequate. Sex on the brain can, for some people, be more enjoyable and less anxiety-provoking than sex on the bed.
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