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06 Jan 2005

do you know when you are to die ?
Most probably a very stupid question, but is there proof out there that a person can feel death coming their way ???

The reason for my question is this : When i got back from Rio and heard about Ruler's death, i was shocked to the T. My mind went back to our conversation on X-Mas day and these are some of the things he said.

1. He told me that CP MOM said she was to invite him to a gathering of people on this forum in the New Year, and was excited about the idea, but said he does not think he will be there to make it. ????
2. He also said that he found CS a remarkable person but knows he will never be able to meet him ????
3. Spoke about Shaun and said i must give him a hand shake for his awsome postings. Why me ??? He could do it himself i thought at the time .
4. Always spoke about CP MOM's child and said he wanted to raise a fund to help her, but time is running out. ??? I thought he meant that her child was critically ill or something.
5. When we parted, he hugged me for the 1st time in his life, and cause he was so strong, he almost crushed my chest . He went on to tell me where he hides his BMW's keys incase i needed it. I have my own BM, i dont need his. ????
6. Lastly, when i get back from Rio, i must send all on this forum his love. He planned going to Europe for a week and i thought he meant that when he had left i must do so. However, his sister said he was to leave on 31st January, so why could he not do it himself ????

Sorry, one last thing===he said at one stage that i must always make sure the street kids around Carlton Centre has food to eat. Why me, cause he feeded them himself. ????
Answer 452 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hi NLM,
Well, I do believe that some people have premonitions, at times, but there can be other ways to understand the items you list. One is that after something significant and disturbing, such as losing someone we care about, we really badly want to make some sort of sense out of it, so we look back for clues, and ways to interpret events and remarks, in this light. For instance, several of us have thought fondly of the gatherings, but have had various reasons for expecting that we personally won't manage to get to one of them. And most people don't meet me --- that's not how this forum is structured. And so on. So it is also possible that each of the examples you quote have a different explanation, too.
And also, I tend to wonder why Ruler, good guy though I really think he was, visited this Forum. Presumably at various levels he himself felt sad and troubled, and wanted to explore such areas. Such people may feel what are eiher premonitions or more simply a sense of a foreshortened future, a feeling that they might not be around for long, for whatver reason that might be.
Sometimes, people with a range of problems engage in what we call Indirect Self-Destructive Behaviour ( with my old pal Norman Farberow, we once wrote a whole book about it ). They are not suicidal in the ways we usually think about it, but often engage in risky behaviours --- dangerous "Action" sports, some manner of neglect of their health and safety. In one study we found evidence that people who "have a go" at bank robbbers during a robbery, instead of just lying quietly and obediently until it is all over, were people of this type, and actually if their physical health or freedom was limited in some way, had a higher than usual direct suicide rate. To some people, it is a form of gambling with fate --- as one such guy ( now fortunately still alove and well ) said to me years ago, it was casting his fate into the lap of God, and, he said "If I live, then maybe God loves me. And If I don't, then it won't matter".
Also, as we grow older, and as we get exposed to the capricious and often arbitrary nature of life's dangers, we find, without expecting early death, that we no longer assume that we will have eternal life here on earth. We'll be happy to stay around while there are useful things to do, but no longer assume that we'll always be here.
At any rate, while respecting possible premonitions, we mustn't ( because it can be dangerous to do so ) assume that all such experiences are that, rather than, for instance, varieties of the gloomy thought patterns of Depression, because Depression can and should be, treated.
NLM< thanks for giving us the background information. Our thoughts continue to be with you and his friends. He was a good guy who at one stage seemed to allow his aggressiveness dominate, and then found a far better way to use those energies for good. I think maybe his scraps and conversations here helped him towards the excellent changes he was making ; it's sad that such a good "work in progress" got interrupted. Maybe a good memorial would be for each person who encountered him to find their own way to be useful and helpful towards others.


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