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14 Dec 2004
How can it be that this morning I felt so good, but now, am back in the slumps again. It is taking all my will power and stength not to pick up the phone and call him. Even though he would just put the phone down when he sees my number. I feel so weak, both emotionally and physically. I think its the stress manfesting itself physically. I feel strangly empty, and vaguely sick. It is really getting to me that he doesn't even want to find out how I am doing. We have spoken to each other everyday for the last 1130 (yes I counted - pathetic isn't it) days. Its frustrating, I am usually such a strong person, and have overcome far worse things in my life. I guess its cause he has always been there to share the experiences with me. Apologies for sounding like a broken record, just helps to put my feelings out there.
yes, stress, mentally and physically showing itself. You know that calling him won't help, so don't do it. You will be ( and feel ) strong again. These emotioanl roller-coaster phases are unsettling, but remember, as with the roller-coaster, what goes down, will go up again shortly --- and at the end of the ride, you find yourself on the level.
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