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30 Jun 2005

Epilepsy diagnosis and anger
I recently landed in the A and E at the local hospital after being discovered by my sister and her boyfriend when I thoght I had just fainted and they said I was having a seizure. I have had these faints occasionally in the past or felt like I was going to have them, but have never had any witness to it. I have always suspected something is wrong, but just thought it would sort itself out. I was seen by 3 different doctors at the hospital and referred for MRI scans and EEG's, which will be performed in the next 3 weeks. They (the dr's who have seen me) are convinced I have epilepsy though.

Since they have insisted I have epilepsy and having to listen to my sister who is quite freaked out by what happened (I had turned blue and stopped breathing) I am just so angry and really struggle to cope. I have anger fits where I just hit walls and myself in anger and even try to 'bring on' another epileptic fit to show my body that I am in control. It's terrible. I have already decided not to take any drugs and I don't think it is likely that I would go for MRI scans or any tests as I am just too angry and irratable about it. I know it is ridiculous. I read the side effects of epileptic drugs and my blood just boil - even reading that for an EEG they'll put gluey stuff on my hair infuriates me! I have been crying and having fits to a point where I think I might be losing the plot!

I work with cancer patients and KNOW what real suffering and illness and problems are - and that having mild epilepsy is hardly anything to have any fuss about at all. I know I am being illogical and mad and stupid - but no amount of self talk is helping and I am afraid I will do damage to myself - or worse by just refusing tests and treatment like a 5 year old. (I am 28 and in perfect health, with a past history of depression, anorexia nervosa, bulimia and anxiety). I have just put all the terrible things in my life behind me, have moved to a new country and now this happens.

Please give me any advice!!!! Or if you have felt like this, please tell me! I am losing all my friends by having these anger fits as they don't see what the big deal is about having epilepsy.
Answer 461 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sounds very much like you do have epilepsy, but that for some reason you feel appalled at the idea and want to pretend that it is not so. Please do go ahead and have the tests, especially the EEG, as bfoe you can make any adult and sensible decision about how to deal with this, you need to know with greater certainty what it is. And if you had a fit while driving, or while crossing the road, the result could be catastrophic, whereas treatment can be very effective indeed.
it'snot a question of making a fuss, but of responding responsibly and having the appropriate treatment. Would you admire someone with absolutely clear signs of early cancer, who simply refused to take it seriously, or to have tests and potentially curative treatment ? Epilepsy IS a "real" illness, needing real treatment. Proper treatment would probably also help reduce the rage and anger problems you mention. Take the excellent advice of Paris and lerita !
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