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11 Apr 2006

ex commited suicide
Hi Doc, hope you're going from strength to strength with that arm of yours.
I found out this morning that my ex had hanged himself in his garage yesterday and I feel a bit dulled. We were not together a particularily long time, he drank too much and was reckless with his and my life. I just feel so sad that he was so alone in those last hours. He didn't even leave a letter for his family or for his young daughter. We still spoke and saw each other often (only ever as friends as we run in the same business circle). And last week he was so damn happy - on top of the world. Maybe becuase he had decided that he was going to end it all.

Part of me thinks that if I had stayed with him this may have never happened as I grounded hiim a lot - in the sense of optimism and just not being to over-emotional. But then another part of me thinks that I would be a girlfriend who's boyfriend died yesterday. That he would have done it anyway. WHo knows I suppose?

Thanks for the ramble, feel quite sad today - can't believe he's gone.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hello Nicolai, and thanks for your good wishes. I am so sory to hear of this unpleasant experience. Suicide is always sad, and people who do it always underestimate the pain they will cause for other people. It was a bad choice to make, but it was his choice. Sorry too to hear that he may have had an inadequate shrink during that previous admission, but he should have been more demanding, too, and insisted that she pay proper attention and work more energetically with him. I agree with your second thoughts, that he would probably have done it anyway, whether or not you had remained with him --- serious work with a shrink can make a diference ; the best support you could have given, at considerable sacrifice to yourself, would probably not have been enough. And his drinking probably was what tipped the balance, as alcohol is universally depressing and also makes one more impulsive and less wise.
Whatever the emotional nature of your relationship recently, it is upsetting and it is hard to believe that this has happened. How sad, especially, for the daughter and the rest of his family.
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