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09 Feb 2004

Ex-destroying my sex life
I think I'm losing it. I'm going to get married to a gentleman with a wonderful personality.I have a son from a previous marriage and he loves him as if he is his own son.We are now engaged and living together.He 's perfect for me in everyway but there's a huge issue I'm battling with .The problem started 2 months after we started dating,he told me about an ex girlfriend he went out with for a couple of years back and she called the relationship off and got married to someone else .He was devastated but moved on and had a couple of relationships along the way.But while he was involved he still had sex with the married ex girlfriend.I respect him so much because he's a man with good moral principles hence I fail to understand why he kept on going back to this married woman for sex. And he told me that she used to seduce him and she's very good when it comes to sex. He even told me her favourite sex position which happened to be the ones I like most.Since then I've never gave him oral sex or do any of my favourite sexual positions because I feel that it's going to seem like I'm imitating her.We talked about this several times he re assured me that it will never happen because he is fulfilled in our relationship but I still dont trust that him.This married woman used to call him because she wanted them to be just friends, I put an end to that and he willingly told her to stop contacting him cause it's causing a strain in our relationship.But I stil cant trust him because he did it before while he was in other relationships and he might have given his assurance that it wont happen to my predecessors but it happened. He also told me that he had sex with her to spite her husband and to get revenge from her.I sometimes feel like having an affair just in case he goes back to her. I dont have any reason to believe that he's back on her, he really does not give me any reason, I have free access to his cellphone, I take his calls, he takes mine , I can scroll through his cell anytime no questions asked. HONESTLY SPEAKING , I'M HAPPY IN MY RELATIONSHIP THINGS ARE GOING VERY WELL. BUT I CANT KEEP HIS EX OUT OF MY MIND,EVEN THE MERE MENTION OF HER NAME CAN SEND ME UP THE ROOF.He can freely talk about her other ex's I'm not bother but once I this particular ex's name my blood BOILS BIG TIME.I met her,she'not beautiful at all , at least it felt better. When I asked him what he saw in her because she was not beautiful he was very protective of her . He told me that she's very intelligent and the way he talks you can see that he really prides this woman's intelligence.PLEASE HELP MY BLOOD IS BOILING AS I'M WRITING THIS MAIL , SOMETIMES I WISH HIS EX COULD DIE .
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Orie, Sounds like you're rather low in self-esteem and self-confidence at present. Remember, he has always had the option of continuing his relationship with this EX, and despite that, he chose you. You won. It's you that she might have reason to feel jealous about, not the other way round. Why not get him to join you in relationship counselling with a marriage counsellor ? Then you can work through these issues before the marriage, for smoother sailing afterwards. And then you can leave it to the Ex to feel seasick !
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