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25 Jan 2013

Ex on Facebook
Hi CS,

I know this is not really a matter of the mind, but this forum is worldly-wise, so I hope you don''t mind me posting this question.

I have been contacted by an ex-boyfriend via a friend who wants to make contact with me again. We last saw each other more than 20 years ago. The relationship lasted a year and ended with me being dumped and malicious rumours being spread by his family about me sleeping around. So needless to say, I was not impressed and lost all contact. Now I get this message that he is trying to contact me and looked for me on Facebook but as I do not have a profile, he did not get very far.

I am not so sure I want to make contact again as I don''t know what his intentions are. On the other hand, I am thinking he wants to make amends and that I should not hold a grudge. I had long forgotten about the breakup and now some old emotions are coming back that I thought I had dealt with.

I have no problem with people making contact with ex lovers on Facebook, as long as the relationship is purely platonic. Does anyone have any experience in this?

Thanks for your input.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

A nasty ending to a relaionship, and nasty in an entirely unnecessary way. No need to get in contact with him again. If he just wanted to sincerely apologise, he could have sent THAT as the message. You owe him nothing. There's a significant different between holding a gridge ( which implies you'd be unreasonably negative towards someone for no sufficient reason ) and being wary, and appropriately cautious about the possibility, maybe even likelihood, of getting hurt again.
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