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22 Dec 2004

Experience extreme anger at boyfriend
The nitwit has still not taken any positive action.
(re: posting of boyfriend who can't seem to get on his feet)
He has mentioned interest in a career that he's always wanted to do, it would be a dream come true, but he would have to go do a year course, etc. and work inhouse before earning a good salary.

What the hell must I do, support him further?
I am really starting to feel that this relationship is more unbalanced by my constant giving and his constant Not-doing-anything.
He has been using flattery on me the last few days and it just makes me feel sick to my stomach.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Too many of such blokes, concentrate on dreaming of the end product, which is only useful to a certian point -- OK< you need to have the ultimate destination in mind before launching, but what actually counts most is taking the initial steps towards such a goal. SO - has he enrolled for the course ? Checked that he has the prerequisite qualifications for the course ? Started reading up to prepare for it ? And so on. If not, why not ?
YOu could tell him thatflattery will, indeed, get him no-where, especially as he is failing to give you any reasons to flatter him. Sounds like this needs an eventual, not too distant, deadline beyond which you will no longer provide funding and material support for a layabout ?
As you say, why would he want to change, as you've been giving him every possible advantage ( to him ) of marriag without any of its responsibilities.
3 years doesn't argue against leaving him, or booting him out --- people generally lose money on the stock market for exactly the same reason, because even when a stock is dwindling in value, they say "But I put all this money into it over the years, and have held it for 3 years --- surely it MUST turn around and become valuable again ?" And the actual answer is No, it usually doesn't do so !~ Wasting more time and money on a lousy investment doesn't recoup your losses so far. Good luck with what you know you need to do.
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