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16 Sep 2009

Eye on the ball

Not new to depression and its friends. Had my first episode at about 20, where i literally could not get out of bed to go to work. I resigned very shortly after that. By nature i am an intorvert, so talking about it has always been an issue. In high school i started drinking and cutting or otherwise injuring myself to try "  balance"  the pain.

Eventually i decided to see a psychologist, and very luckily for me first time was a charm. We have a good understanding, and by my standards of being able to trust others its pretty strong.

I also see a psychiatrist and currently am on one tablet Paxil, for the depression and i think the pretty bad anxiety that i have had my whole life. At the beginning it was more tablets but was doing so well that meds where cut. That is until about 2mnths ago. Nothing in particualr happened, my life is pretty busy and hectic, but nothing out of the ordinary has happened.

I started withdrawing socially and at work, not wanting to go out, really talk to people etc. I starting feeling really edgy all the time.Climbing the walls at times.I started drinking which soon escalated. I got sick with pneumonia and was in hsopital for a few days. My anger towards myself in particular just intensified. I got out and started drinking more, i have now had two blackouts, in which i have switched between being extremely agitated, aggresive and then sobbing. I have hurt myself continously over the past 3 weeks. By drinking, cutting, hitting walls etc. I am due to see my psychiatrist this week.

Wanting to find some support relief for like now during my work day, when i can tell no-one about how i am feeling.Agitated or angry or whatever.

So this is just a vent. I hope i will make it out this alive.
Answer 275 views

01 Jan 0001

It is too easy, perhaps, working with a psychologist, to see and look for obvious psychological elements contributing otowards a depression, and to forget that many if not most depressions arise for largely chemical reasons, and thus can arise out of the blue when everything else in your life is doin just fine. You must recognize the early warning signs, including the drinking, and act promptly each time that arises, to get the depression deal with. DO make it out of this one alive, as then you will be able to plan better to prevent this sort of situation from arising again. And consider contacting the Depression-Anxiety Support Group for support, too
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