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22 Nov 2004

Good morning CS and all the beautiful people in this forum.

Today I have an issue that I would like your advice on.
Here goes: I am somebody who constantly worries about what other people think of me. This is a BIG issue in my life. After a conversation with someone, I always worry of what I did/didn’t say, how I said it etc. I really need skills to be able to overcome this problem. I was hurt by so many people while growing up, as a result I judge people very quickly about what they might be thinking about me, and in the process that leaves ME unhappy. I am afraid of being myself because I think I will be judged. I don’t know how to change this.

If any of you had this problem, please tell me exactly what you did to overcome it. Thank you.
Answer 349 views

01 Jan 0001

Morning, Pam,
Sounds like a lack of self-confidence, possibly related to your earlier experiences of being made to feel bad about yourself, leading to a set of untrue but highly convincing assumptions about yourself and life --- you may tend to assume that you will be judged by others ( when the sadder truth may be that they're actually paying rekmarkably little attention to you ) ; and that if anyone else did "judge" or assess you, they'd have to think little of you ( rather than recognizing that there is much about you that they could admire and enjoy ) ; and that there is something wrong with "yourself" which would lead them to dislike you if they ever saw that terrible "self", rather than realizing that :yourself" is a perfectly nice self, which people could like.
Counselling / psychotherapy, especially of the CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) model, can be highly effective in helping you to assess and revise such assumptions and to find more fruitful ways of enjoying your interactions with others.
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