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11 Nov 2004

Feel like a rubbish once again
Had a huge fight with the soon to be ex last night when he brought the kids home. Actually I didn't fight, he just stood there calling me an FB infront of the kids, that I am irritating everyone and must get a life. I can't tell you how many times he called me an FB, he first screamed at the security guard from my complex. The dirty looks he kept giving me, I can't explain how I felt. He didn't even say goodbye to the kids. I was finished. Sat and cried until 10pm last night. Today I can feel the tears are there. He screamed at me about the old house we have just sold because I refused to hand keys over and wouldn't give permission for them to do renovations until transfer, which they did anyway, they have done R250k worth of damage to the place, told him the guarantees aren't in place, he didn't understand so I said he must ask his dad what that means, told him the deal can still fall through and then we will sue him. Well he just screamed again that I'm an FB. He arrived in a dirty car with slops and a vest tshirt, dirty, unkept, stinky man. Thought he was so cool and gorgeous. I was devastated.

The swearing at me was part of our life, I eventually thought it was normal. When I wanted to discuss something with his he would stand there with his attitude, looking me up and down, arms crossed, smirking. When I finished he would walk up to me and stick his face in mine to intimidate me, saying I must wipe the corner of my mouth. When I asked why he would say because I was speaking S..T and some of it was left on my mouth.

I have tried so hard for a year to overcome this man and his abuse, I can't put up with it anymore. What about my kids, how must they feel hearing this? I used to get someone else to hand over the kids for this reason and then at the Family Adv. he insisted I start doing it. I agree on condition he no longer abuses me. Can't get a restraining order it's too complicated.

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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Well, at least you've discovered, in time, that he's far from cool. Indeed, it sounds like you're coping reasonably with a difficult situation, and that he is getting himself into a real mess. And distance has helped you confirm that his abusive conduct is NOT normal or acceptable. BE grateful that he IS soon to be an Ex. Go back to the Family Adv, and make it clear that he has broken the agreement not to be hostile and abusive on meeting you, and that the arrangement must revert to the prior system when someone else hands the kids over to him.
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