Some days I wish that the overdose was successful. Today is a day like that. Nothing’s happened to upset me, I have a successful career and great friends. Days like these I just don’t see any point in my existence. I feel as though nothing would be different if I weren’t here. My friends and family asked me why don’t I talk to them when I feel this way? CS, I don’t want to talk to anyone when I get like this. I think that no one wants to hear about how I’m feeling bad again, and if I do talk to them when I feel this way, that I’m going to end up friendless. I’ve been told that when I feel this way, I must avoid being alone, but being by myself right now is what I want most. I hate every part of my being, and don’t want anyone to see this self loathing part of me. It would be so much easier if I didn’t have this life, but the consequences and selfishness of it all scares me more. Contradictive, isn’t it?