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20 Jul 2005

Feeling Mindless
Some days I wish that the overdose was successful. Today is a day like that. Nothing’s happened to upset me, I have a successful career and great friends. Days like these I just don’t see any point in my existence. I feel as though nothing would be different if I weren’t here. My friends and family asked me why don’t I talk to them when I feel this way? CS, I don’t want to talk to anyone when I get like this. I think that no one wants to hear about how I’m feeling bad again, and if I do talk to them when I feel this way, that I’m going to end up friendless. I’ve been told that when I feel this way, I must avoid being alone, but being by myself right now is what I want most. I hate every part of my being, and don’t want anyone to see this self loathing part of me. It would be so much easier if I didn’t have this life, but the consequences and selfishness of it all scares me more. Contradictive, isn’t it?
Answer 862 views

01 Jan 0001

Mindful, remember that WE are all pleased and grateful that the OD was unsuccessful, and that usually, so are you. SO this is a bad day. we all have them. Just make it an absolute unbreakable rule that you will take no decisions with any lasting consequences, while you are in such a mood. Is it wise to try to be mostly on your own during the self-loathing phase ? The fact that anyone else ever wants to be with you strongly suggests that the loathing is unearned.
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