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20 Jul 2005

Feeling Mindless
Some days I wish that the overdose was successful. Today is a day like that. Nothing’s happened to upset me, I have a successful career and great friends. Days like these I just don’t see any point in my existence. I feel as though nothing would be different if I weren’t here. My friends and family asked me why don’t I talk to them when I feel this way? CS, I don’t want to talk to anyone when I get like this. I think that no one wants to hear about how I’m feeling bad again, and if I do talk to them when I feel this way, that I’m going to end up friendless. I’ve been told that when I feel this way, I must avoid being alone, but being by myself right now is what I want most. I hate every part of my being, and don’t want anyone to see this self loathing part of me. It would be so much easier if I didn’t have this life, but the consequences and selfishness of it all scares me more. Contradictive, isn’t it?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Mindful, remember that WE are all pleased and grateful that the OD was unsuccessful, and that usually, so are you. SO this is a bad day. we all have them. Just make it an absolute unbreakable rule that you will take no decisions with any lasting consequences, while you are in such a mood. Is it wise to try to be mostly on your own during the self-loathing phase ? The fact that anyone else ever wants to be with you strongly suggests that the loathing is unearned.
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