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05 Feb 2004

felling desperate and betrayed
Dear Doc,

Please help. I am three years into my second marriage and am 43 years old. My husband has recently told me that the reason he looks at other woman and has taken to masturbating in the toilets at work during the day instead of making love to me is because he is disappointed that I do not walk around naked in front of him and shower with him. He says that he has no problem with my performance in bed but that I am lacking in the above mentioned areas and therefore rather than talk to me he has taken to satisfying himself. He says he loves me but I feel like my soul has been ripped out and the pain is so bad that I feel like I am dying inside. I feel that even if I did whatever he wanted that there would come a time again where I was found wanting and he would again choose to satisfy himself and ignore me. Please help me. I feel so inadequate and so betrayed. What do I do and how do I carry on?

Answer 403 views

01 Jan 0001

Dear B-H,
How selfish and thoughtless you husband has been ! And did he have the cheek to expect you to parade around to act out his fantasies, without even bothering to discuss this with you ? Tell him that the way he has chosen to deal with whatever problem he has, so far, has been selfish, hurtful, and self-defeating. If he wants to work things out, challenge him to join with you in proper marriage counselling, to look at ways in which the relationship can become more satisfying to BOTH of you. I agree with nina --- if he can't be bothered to try to improve things for both of you, and by a rational method rather than by a grubby escape route, and trying to put the blame on someone else, then he isn;t serious about the relationship as a whole.
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