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20 Apr 2006

Fighting ?
Hi CS. In a previous posting you replied that fighting is "absolutly compulsory" in a relasionship. Why do you say that ? The reason I ask is that my g/f and I are together for just short of 2 years now and we never had a fight. I'm 29 and she is 22. Sure we do differ in our opions from time to time, but it never leads to a fight. I was just wondering, because one of her friends said to her she finds it weird that we never had a fight. I am planning to ask for her hand in marriage next weekend and have a special weekend planned.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

It depends on what we mean by "fight" --- to never disagree about anything, is suspicious, that either neither of you have any strong opinions or principals about anything, or that one or both are suppressing any differences and ignoring their real feelings. Now conflict in the sense of exploring and dealing with differences and disagreements, is not a bad thing, so long as we handle it fruitfully and not unpleasantly. By "fighting" I did not mean aggression, but exercises in assertiveness. As Kat says, what's important is the degree of control, and, I'd suggst, the quality and usefulness of the outcome.
Anyhow, thanks Ltd, for reminding us that I said that "fighting is NOT compulsory", meaning that it's absence isn't a dreadful thing.
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