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16 Feb 2004

Forever "Sulking"
I don't understand my fiance. His forever finding fault with me (something I've done or say) and then he sulks and will not discuss it with me. Most of the time I don't even know why he's like this. He forever has to tell me that he won't take "shit" or that he's had enough. It seems that he does not want us to be happy for more than a day and it seems that he thrives on making me unhappy or sad. Very jealous as well, he complains if my nipples are showing. I'm not allowed to become too independant and he gets upset if I have to do business with a man. He does not want me to earn a decent income and knowing that I do not have enough finances to really cope on my own, he likes to tell me to " -|- -off" and then he will take off his ring (his decision to wear one) and then I must smell that the engagement is off (only for a day or two) and then when I ask him if it's over (as he won't say anything) he will answer then that nothing is over and that he still loves me. Also if he got abusive - strangling me or punching me on my jaw or punching me on my shoulder, he will find an excuse i.e. he wanted me to shup-up (and then I did not even say anything). He likes to just get into his car as well and not telling me where he's going, sometimes only returning the next day. He also says he likes to -|- me (it makes me feel so cheap). When he's around me and cross about something he won't even talk to me or greet me, I wil get completely ignored (but God helps me if I have to do that to him). Both his "ex-wifes" experienced the same. Then I also have to put up with he's "baggage". I can't take it anymore, what do I do?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Terri, why do you feel you need to stay with a selfish and abusive man ? If he's had two ex-wives who have had exactly the same experience, it's clear that he has no real intention of changing. He's not worth loving, and the cost to you in your independence and appiness is likely to be far too high. yes, he needs counselling, but you can't make him get what he needs, rather than what he wants. And what he wants is abusive to you.
leave while you can and protect yourself, and you'll eventually meet a real man who can relate to you without unpacking all his own immature and selfish emotional baggage.
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