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18 Jul 2008

FORGIVENESS 1: Free Yourself
After reading a certain book in the past, i wrote these points about forgiveness:

1. The root cause of negative emotions is the inability to forgive someone we feel has hurt us in some way.

As we develop as children, we go through a phase where " justice"  is very important to us. We fixate on the concept of " fairness" . Thus upset by any situation in our lives that doesn' t seem fair and equitable especially concerning us. We tend to fixate at this stage and never grow beyond it. We need to unlearn it and (re)learn the power of letting go of our grievances and unforgiving experiences. The most powerful and liberating decision is to forgive everyone who has ever hurt you in anyway.

2. By forgiving the other person you are not condoning their behaviour, not doing that person any favour.

By forgiving the person who has hurt you, you liberate yourself to go on with your life. Forgiveness is therefore, a totally selfish act.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with the person being forgiven.
Forgiveness has a lot to do with you, yourself and you alone - your mental integrity and peace of mind.

3. You can speed up the process of self-liberation (through forgiving) by accepting responsibility for your share to what happened. Very few negative events that lead to anger and resentment occur in a vacuum. Almost invariably, you did something to contribute to that situation. You therefore need to have the MATURITY to take YOUR SHARE of the responsibility.

4. When you forgive others and let them go, you soon begin to feel lighter and happier. Your whole future will open up before you, like a summer sunrise.

5. The people you MUST forgive are:

(A) Your parents

(B) People you have/had CLOSE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP - especially those that did not work out. REMEMBER:

Two people fall in love and have a relationship. Both of them with best intentions and highest expectations for the future. Unfortunately, people and situations change over time.

The couple finds that they are no longer happy together and decide to call it quits. But the problem really begins: instead of accepting the reality and agreeing as adults that they have reached a point where they are incompatible, and that they no longer want to be together, blame kicks in. Blame must be apportioned. One of them must be guilty and the guilty party must be punished.

The situation gets worse and worse until it finally ends in anger, bitterness, accusations and even hatred.

The best of solution is situation like these (relationships rot and don’ t work out) is
•  to accept that fact as an unfortunate reality, make reasonable provisions for each party, and for each person to get on with his or her life.
Another approach would be
•  to get a professional to guide you and mediate in the process of break-up or divorce. The results would turn out to be better for everyone involved.
Answer 403 views

01 Jan 0001

Excellentlt useful thinking, and food for thought ( one of my favourite diets !)
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