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09 Nov 2006

Forgiveness
Could someone please help me to understand. My boyfriend (of 10yrs) has cheated on our relationship and I terminated it. Now I have been advised to "forgive " him. What I don't understand is why must I forgive him while he denied flatly the wrongdoing despite clear evidence that I had. Maybe I don't understand what that forgiveness mean .

Secondly, how will I know If I am ready to forgive him because I still feel He betrayed me ( after all that we have been going through).

Thirdly, We live in the same area and everytime I come across Him, I don't know how to react, that is whether to greet him or not.
PLEASE HELP ME!
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Who has had the cheek to "advise" you to forgive him ? have you noticed how many busybodies there are, constantly eager to stick their long noses into other people's business, and to urge us to forgive other people. They themselves have generally never experienced anything significant enough for the issue of forgiveness to even arise. Do NOT focus on forgiving someone who hurt you, cheated you, and is unrepentant --- it will do no good to him or to you. Tell the nosy one to work more on forgiving themselves for interfering in matters that are none of their business.
As kat says, when and if you meet him by chance, be polite and cool, and leave it at that. The only sense in which "forgiveness" is appropriate lies in you freeing yourself from any remaining bonds of bitterness that could tie you to him, so that you give up on anger and resentment that are unpleasant and unhelpful for you
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