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20 Jul 2005
getting out of a bad situation
A relative has put my daughter under pressure to resolve her differences with her dad, my husband, before she leaves for Europe for a year's post-varsity travelling. My husband has been unreasonable towards my daughter for most of her life - I think because she is the first person who has ever had the guts to stand up to him and refuse to be controlled and emotionally abused by him. In my opinion, although he is a good provider he has been a horrible father. My daughter and I have both tried many times over the years to develop a good relationship between her and her dad, but we have failed every single time, in spite of being prepared to compromise a lot. By the way, I can state quite honestly and objectively that my daughter is a fine young woman in every way.Her older siblings and I have done our best to make sure she was brought up properly in spite of the conflict with my husband. I didn't have the courage to leave him but I feel I should have. I cannot see why she should suddenly have to make up with him now.She is a happy balanced person when not in direct contact with him. I think the very best thing is for her to get away from him and fulfill her potential. What do you think I can say to shut this well-meaning relative up?
It's rarely possible to heal such a broken relationship by entirely once-sided efforts. So it would be up to your husband, more than your daughter, to be prepared to make the cecessary moves to allow this to occur. I wonder why some other relative sees fit to interfere, at this late stage, in a situation he/she clearly doesn't understand well. For your daughter to be able to fulfull her potential should surely be a priority. Maybe all one can say to the nosy relative is : "I know you mean well, but you really don't understand the situation, and what you propose misunderstands the situation and would not help. I'd really appreciate it if you didn't interfere."
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