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01 Jul 2005

Guilt
Dear Doc
I have made the most terrible mistake and caused the person I love most in this world so much hurt and pain.... I am sure u will remember the story of Paul and Lorraine quite well! We are back together (going for 10 months now) and everything is going so well. We will be getting married in Feb 2006 and we just bought a house so everything is rosy... my only problem is that i cant live with this terrible guilt of what i did to him and what i made him go through! I thought I would make it better for myself by reading all the archives of this site to experience what he went through and in a way i feel that i need to see all the hurt and pain in his words to open up all the wounds in my heart that i feel never really healed in order for me to get emotional healing... but everytime i am with him and everytime i feel so close to him and feel like my heart is going to burst with love for him, i feel this terrible sadness and guilt because of what i did to him. How will i ever get passed all that? He says it is in the past and in fact, he is not very happy with me that i went and read all those archives, and it is easy to say: "just leave tha past in the past and carry on" but WHY do i feel so sad then? I just cry everytime i think about it. I regret so badly taking those wrong steps away from him and I cant believe that i actually caused the person i love most in the world so much pain! How do I get passed this?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Remember that guilt, once you have corrected the act(s) which led to you feeling guilty, is a potentially very unhelpful emotion. Continuing to feel guilty doesn't benefit him in any way. LEarn from what happened, and learn to avoid such situations arising in the future --- fine. But otherwise use the energy you have spent in your guilt, in building joy in your relationship.
Lola's comment is wise, too --- if Paul has forgiven you, whynot follow his example ?
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