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11 Aug 2007

Had everything & lost it all
I fell in love with a wonderful man, the relationship had to be long distance for 18months due to my work commitments. He commuted every weekend to see me. I would make sure that I worked really hard during the week so that when he arrived on Friday afternoons, I was all his.But as the reltionship progressed, the decision was made that I would relocate back to Jo,burg.
Having spend 18months in a very small town, where socialising did not exist, I was thrilled to be moving back to the city and actually enjoy life. But then when I got here, it was like everyone and everything had moved on without me. Friends that I could call up and go for drinks with and vent my daily frustrations, are now involved and didn't seem to have for me. A new job, with new pressures and I begin second guessing myself.
I am in this big city (back home) and yet I don't feel like I belong. I am nervous to go out as I feel that people can see how uncomfortable I am being around them. My relationship begins suffering, we should be going out and interacting with other people, socialising. I begin crying on a daily basis, why I don't know. This is not what I had expected. The fights persue and I feel like I am loosing him but I can't pull myself together long enough to explain my what I am experiencing. I am getting angry with myself, I am failing miserably at everything... then I find out I am pregnant but it is an eptopic pregancy and it needs to be aborted.I feel like such a failure.... And the crying won't stop.
I am taking hormone tablets, they tell me that is what is causing the crying but it will eventually stop. Hormones they tell me. The angry inside of me is consuming me, I am so angry with myself, I am failing .... the job, my relationship.My boyfriend is besides himself. I can see that I am pushing him away but all I want is to have him close.
Eventually he ends it and I am finished....
I have just lost the most important person in my life.
What has happened to me??? I used to love going out and socialising with people.People tell me that I am suffering fom anti social behaviour having been stuck in a small town for so long and that it will eventually pass once I have been here longer.
I want this man back but he won't talk to me, I am sure he thinks I am mad. Explain this to me please....
Answer 362 views

01 Jan 0001

YOu can't and needn't move backwards. When you've been aaway for a time, others you used to know have moved on --- make new friends and find new supports.
I would think you have many good reasons for feeling miserable right now, with the hormones, the ectopic pregnancy vbeing aborted, and so on. Wee a good local counsellor, preferabl;y one using the CBT ( COgnitive-Behaviour Therapy ) methods, and seehow you can improve things and regain control of the situaton. Sort yourself out first, before plunging back into serious relationships
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