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14 Feb 2004

harrassed everyday by ex lover
I was in a 3 month same sex relationship and ended it after finding out that she uses drugs and then turns into a violent person. Problem is she wont accept it and phones me 21 times everyday, shouting, swearing and threatening to expose my secret lifestyle. I have two children that can be badly hurt by this and everyone at my office are fed up with her contstant phoning. How can I get her to accept that it is over and to leave me and my family/work in peace? She is extremely moody and begs for forgiveness the one minute and next, she swears and shouts that she will expose me and the truth should be known. She is a lesbian and I was attracted to her in the beginning and luckily realised that she is a very unstable person, uses drugs often, which turns her into a monster. Help me please, how can I stop her from harassing me and threatening to tell my friends & family about our short affair? I am so embarrased and angry at myself for even getting myself into this mess in the first place. I am crying non stop and fear that she will ruin my life. I tried to talk to her in a nice way, explaining that i dont love her anymore. She wont accept it and I live in fear for what she can get up to. Her phone calls day and night is putting me in such a nervous state, I havent stopped crying for two days and cannot run my business efficiently. She wants to hurt my children by telling them about it and I am scared of losing them. Please, I have not one to talk to about this and cannot even see a laywer without telling him the truth. I live in a small town and everyone knows me. Really got myself in a big mess. Please advice me on this
unstable , emotionally disturbed person harassing me.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear faph,
Such harrassment could have a legal solution, in that ( you need to get some good legal advice ) a Court Order could be obtained to stop such harrassment ( on pain of her getting sent to jail if she breaks the order ) ; and, as homosexual / lesbian relationships are not illegal in SA, she could also be charged with blackmail for threatening to disclose the relationship. The police ought to handle such matters with discretion and so as to protect your privacy, and it is possible that even being questioned and warned by them could be enough to persuade her to stop this nonsense.
I understand that this may be more difficult in a small town, but isn't there a lawyer there, or in the nearest bigger town, who you could trust to be discrete ? And would the police really be so bored and unprofessional as to fail to protect your confidentiality ? In handling such blackmail cases, they have to prevent disclosure so as not to end up being an assistant to the blackmailer.
Of course, if one is brave enough to call her bluff and to tell children / friends and family about what happened and that this is an error you bitterly regret, she would have nothing left to threaten you with, but this is a solution that may work well in theory but be really hard to pull off in reality.
Let's see if our other readers, when they return from their weekend off, have better ideas ?
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