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Question
14 Jul 2006
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Have I forgiven him?
My husband had an affair a few years back, and I thought I have forgiven him, but I find myself thinking about it time and again.
I have partially gotten over "the why's" - but the thoughts of "how they did it" often haunts me.
How can I forgive him, if I cannot forget?
I have partially gotten over "the why's" - but the thoughts of "how they did it" often haunts me.
How can I forgive him, if I cannot forget?
CyberShrink
This sort of obsessive rumination is quite common and totally unhelpful --- if the affair is continuing, then that is the problm. If the affair ended years ago, then only you are keeping it alive, and "how they did it" is totally irrelevant. This isn't about forgiving, but about unwholesome curiosity. And it isn't really about forgetting, because "how they did it" is not something you know but want to forget --- it's something you DON'T know, and want to know. See a good local counsellor to work through these issues
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